Recovery Hangover

Yesterday I made a shocking realization. Choosing recovery brings me more pride and joy than my ED actions do. My ED actions may bring me initial joy (though even this is ceasing to be the case) but that's soon followed by guilt which propels me to act out again until I am in a vicious cycle. On the other hand, my recovery choices give me at first a sense of guilt (though this too is waning) and then extreme pride and joy with myself. The pride propels me to make more good decisions and they get easier.
Of course now I kind of have a recovery hangover. You know...that next day feeling when your mind is yelling at you to go back to your old ways. That pit in your stomach when you look in the mirror and are convinced you have ballooned. That out of control feeling you get because you are no longer trying to control your food. The extreme sleepiness from the stress of all this going on at once.
I figure this will pass. Each day the hangover will get less intense and I will get used to making recovery-oriented decisions. In fact I know that's the case because it happened when I was in treatment. But in order for that to happen I have to keep choosing recovery and not slip back to my old ways. Otherwise I have to start from the initial hangover that I am experiencing now.
I must say this is scary. Actually giving into recovery and making the decisions on my own. There are no inpatient personell telling me I must eat this, signing off on everything, watching me like a hawk. There is no threat of a feeding tube scaring me into completing my meals. There's just me and the fear of dying both spiritually and physically, propelling me to make the decisions I need to make. Perhaps that is why it is so hard. Perhaps that's why this recovery hangover is so intense. Because for once in my life, I am choosing to recover at each and every moment in the day.