Really....still??

So here I am a new day, a fresh start, and what is the first thing on my mind when I wake up.....that damn exam. All I am thinking is "You are so stupid for changing your answer from the right to wrong one" and "Why didn't you listen to your instincts. You could have had a higher grade" and "I wonder if the TAs that are grading are going to make fun of you for that stupid answer you put." As I sat there tormented by the judgements circling my head I realized they were all in you's not I's. This was/is not coming from me. This is ED's final plea to get me to come crawling back to his arms. Honestly, I am glad this happened. I am glad I made this mistake now. Imagine if I made this mistake on the final, or on an exam I did really well on. This exam I was sucking on anyway, so making this mistake and being able to learn from it really didn't hurt me. This was going to be my drop exam anyway, so what a better place to make this mistake.
If I keep wallowing in the dirt and grime ED is trying to pull me through I will never be able to have a fresh start. I will never be able to see myself as beautful or acceptable because the dirt will block my eyes. I will never be able to be happy because ED will always be able to knock me down. Maybe God played a role in this. Maybe he saw that I needed to have this experience, to feel crushed and know that I can come out on the other side a victor by turning to Him. I have literally never done this bad on an exam and I think (this sounds weird) I needed to. I need to realize it's okay and just because I failed doesn't mean I'm a failure. Plus, whatever I get on this exam will make my B look a whole lot better haha. So here's to a new day.  Here's to telling ED's voice to shut up. Here's to trying to move on and accepting that the thoughts may come (another imperfection) but I can choose to not listen to them. Here's to peace and love directed not only towards others but towards myself. Here is to acceptance of myself, both the good and the bad, to my mistakes no matter how big or small, and to the lessons I will learn along the way. We all fall down, in that way we are all equal. The inequality that puts one person ahead in the other, is the times we fall, get back up, and keep moving forward.